And this year they came out with snow globes which I hated even more. I was heartened to hear on the news one night that juvenile delinquents were doing what I had only dreamed of and “vandalizing” them. I was also quite cheered by the fact that due to some design flaw after they'd been up for a while all the "snow" stuck to the inside of the globe so that the snowmen or whatever were completely obscured.
BUT
When I hear scooter boy approaching from 12 blocks away, heading up our street, that whine slowly increasing in volume until the cat and I both flinch, I want to rig up a trip wire at neck height.
I don't think anyone, except maybe his parents, would mind.
Who knew that some crappy piece of metal could make more noise than a Harley? This thing is SO loud it is astounding. There have been times that John and I have BOTH been woken up out of a sound sleep by that kid coming home from, I'm going to take a wild guess here, playing D&D and speculating with his friends about what a real girl's breasts would feel like. I will further speculate that as long as he is riding that thing around he is never going to find out.
I hear that sound and the RAGE just wells up inside me. And there are times that he isn't just coming home... he's CRUISING and we can hear his progress as he slowly motors around the block.
And really, if I DID rig up a wire that oh, decapitated him, or maybe even one at ankle height that would just keep him from ever standing on ANYTHING ever again, I don't think anyone, except maybe his parents, would mind. I had the occasion to observe him (while sitting on my front porch drinking beer with a friend) on the 4th of July. Our directly-across-the-street neighbors were having a party, lots of kids ages probably 15 - 22 (and all of them drinking beer, of course) and NO ONE wanted this kid around. A couple of them even took his scooter away from him for a while. But he's the kind of kid who has NO IDEA that people wish he would just fuck right off. He just hangs around and then RIDES HIS SCOOTER AROUND S'MORE. He got that thing a year and a half ago. I keep thinking it should have broken by now or something.
But no... even as I Type this he is MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEING down our street making my brain throb.
He's so very lucky I am only a hit woman/mob assassin in my HEAD or he would be SO dead... or at the least crippled. And he really better not leave that thing laying around in plain sight when I have PMS or a headache. BE WARNED SCOOTER BOY: I have had just about enough out of you!
