Every time I get one of these I find myself reminiscing fondly about the purity tests that used to circulate in college and how we’d all gather in someone’s dorm room and get drunk and take it, “have you ever had sex with an animal?” “on a boat?” “with more than one person at a time” and then compare scores to see who was the LEAST pure! Good times.
ANYWAY, the last time I got a rash of these things (and don’t think I didn’t fill them all out because I did because I am a total word-whore) I came up with my OWN "Get to know your Friends Better” questionnaire filled with questions that I wished were REALLY in these things. Questions that you never ask or never COULD ask (without getting glared at or hung up on) that would really allow you (me) to get to know your friends better (I admit it. I am shallow and don’t really care what kind of ice cream you like, sorry) and a few brave souls actually even filled it out and sent it back (Yay Evelyn).
Unfortunately, I never bothered to save a copy so I am now going to create a NEW version of…
THIRTY-SIX QUESTIONS THAT I’D REALLY LOVE TO HEAR THE ANSWERS TO!
- What is the last lie you told?
- To your parents?
- To your partner?
- To your boss?
- If you could have sex with ONE famous person who would it be?
- What disgusting thing do you do in private?
- What song do you dance around like a maniac to when no one is looking?
- Have you ever stolen anything?
- Have you ever faked an orgasm?
- Recently?
- Porn: high class and artsy or real and sweaty?
- If you could kill one person and get away with it, who would you ice?
- How?
- Have you ever cheated on your partner?
- Have you ever really REALLY wanted to?
- Who with?
- What really cheesy TV show or movie do you secretly love?
- No really, You ate an entire Box/Carton/Bag of ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬__________ all by yourself in one sitting!
- If you woke up in the body of the opposite sex for one day what would you do?
- If you woke up with the opposite sexual preference for the day WHO would you do?
- NAKED you think you are HOT/NOT?
- Thong underwear – great way to avoid panty lines or instrument of torture designed by Satan himself?
- If you could totally change your name (first and last) what would you change it to?
- Do you pop your partner’s zits/blackheads?
- If you all of the sudden woke up a famous singer what song from your youth that you LOVE would you record and release a cover version of?
- If you could change one feature with plastic surgery what would it be?
- If all drugs were suddenly legal and affordable which ones would you take?
- If you could name your son and daughter anything you wanted what would you call them?
- What was your last nightmare about?
- What one thing from your past would you undo (or erase from everyone’s memory including yours to avoid that whole changing fate thing) if you could?
- What really bad habit have you given up trying to give up?
- Do you understand why Paris Hilton is so fricken famous?
- If you DO can you please explain it to ME?
- If you could wake up tomorrow with one talent or skill what would it be?
- What is your biggest/most irrational fear or phobia?
- How much would I have to pay you to fill this out HONESTLY?
