Thoughts from a Mani-Pedi

• Cool, there are no customers inside… I won't have to wait.
• She HAS to be at least 8 months pregnant, is it safe for her to be down there working on my toes breathing in all those chemicals? That can't be good.
• I can see right down her maternity shirt. Closing eyes.
• Ow! Okay, Mr. Manly Manicure Man you are very strong now please don't bend my fingers back like that again.
• Okay, apparently “deluxe” means she is going to massage my legs until they fall off.
• No! No! Don't turn on the massage chair… sigh… whonga…
• Okay the second he is done with that hand I am figuring out how to turn this chair OFF!
• Whonga whonga whon… ahhhhhh….
• I am SO glad I brought my ipod… No one has asked me if I have kids which means I haven't had to lie and say I DO to evade a lecture on how I HAVE to have kids. Trying to make up kids on the spot is so stressful.
• Uh… flowers on my big toes? Okay… I guess…
• Mental note to self: do not agree to nail art when you are not wearing your glasses.
• What the hell is she PAINTING down there, a very teeny replica of the Mona Lisa?
• It looks like someone barfed very small confetti on my big toes... what the HELL is that?
• (Squinting at my feet in the sun outside my car) A very small tropical beach scene? On my toes? That you have to be within a foot of my toes to discern? Oh my GOD there are multi-colored flowers and black swirls AND dots. Good LORD it must have been a slow day.
• FREEDOM!
• Okay maybe now that I KNOW what is on my toes when I look at them… nope it still looks like confetti barf. Oh well, John never looks at my feet anyway and my